You are the Sun...Screen of my life

Recently, something has come between Blake and me.

While we once used to cuddle in bed and watch Netflix, he now stays on his side of the bed and I stay on mine.  The computer goes in the middle.

We used to hug and play and tickle each other.  Now we barely touch each other.

We used to sleep up against each other all night, now we arrange the sheets to separate us.

It hurts when we touch, it hurts when we don't touch.

We're both very sunburned. 

I got you, didn't I? 

It's so sad, though, not really being able to touch each other.  

Let me tell you a story about high school that my friends still laugh about:

There was this guy.  And we were about to hug for the first time. The only problem is, neither of us knew what to do with our arms. So we were doing this weird dance-type thing until we finally embraced for like half a second and separated. If I could find a gif that would do the story justice, I would put it here.

That's exactly how Blake and I had to hug last night. 

So, here's the point of this post: sunscreen.  We went to the pool yesterday and forgot our sunscreen. So we planned on only staying out for two hours max.  And then that turned into like four. But we were too lazy to go back inside to get the sunscreen.

That one simple step could have prevented the pain we're going through now, both physically from the fact that we have grilled the outer layer of our bodies, and emotionally from the fact that we can't touch each other without the lovely sensation of an explosion happening on our skin. 

Kind of like how in relationships there are simple little things that we can do to avoid things coming between us. 

It's the little stuff, no? Like sending a text from work saying you love the other person.  Scratching the bug bite on their back they can't reach. Rubbing aloe on their sunburned shoulders. 

Also, let's not be lazy. There were times I got lazy about the laundry or basic cleaning that I could have knocked out in ten minutes. Then Blake would get more stressed out when he got home from work and saw the laundry piles in the room or the lack of dinner ideas.  And while he was always patient with me during those times, I soon realized how much happier I felt when I had those things done before he got home from work. 

And I might be biased because I major in communications, but I feel like communication is the make-or-break in relationships. I've never understood why (or how) people keep secrets from their spouses/SO/special friend of the month. I can't even keep a secret long enough to surprise Blake with his birthday gift.  When one of us has something that's bothering us, we communicate. We talk about it. Things don't have a chance to come between us because when these nasty little spacers start to come around, we kick them back out of the house and continue cuddling on the couch.  We don't let them come in and hang out and multiply until there's a wall of nonsense preventing us from connecting. It's easier to not build a wall than it is to break down a wall!

It's so easy to prevent that burn from coming between you- just get up and get the sunscreen.

To My Husband

Dear Husband,
One year ago today, we went from being fiance and fiancee to being husband and wife. One year ago today, we promised to love each other unconditionally and stand by each other through everything.  A year ago today, you slipped a ring on my finger, and it became my most prized possession (even though I have almost dropped it down the sink drain a few times!)

It's been a crazy ride.  We've survived moves, a year of law school and college, scary medical situations, sicknesses, hangry spells, and putting a cat on a diet.

We don't have kids yet, and we won't for a while.  But I know already that you are going to be such an amazing father.  I can see it in the way you treat me when I'm sick or scared or just frustrated.  I can see it in the way you have such a selfless love for others, not just me.  I can even see it in the way you treat the cat with tenderness, even when she gives you sass and tries to bite your hand.

This year with you has been amazing.  Learning and growing with you this past year has been the most rewarding, amazing thing I've ever done.

You give me a reason to laugh and smile every day. And I know sometimes that is not an easy thing to do.

I know we've had some challenges. I know we've gone through some things that shouldn't have happened to us. We've had scary people come into our lives, and I can't thank you enough for protecting me and comforting me through it all.

One year ago, I said "I do" to being with you, my best friend, for the rest of my life. This year has shown me that even though that was a big jump for both of us to make, it was the right decision. A year ago, I decided to put our slightly troubled dating life behind us and start a new life.

So, my dear husband, thank you. Thank you for such an amazing year. Thank you for telling me bedtime stories when I can't fall asleep.  Thank you for rubbing my back almost every single night. Thank you for goofing off with me, tickling my neck, and holding me, both physically and emotionally.

I can't imagine life without you, and I'm so excited to see where we go in the next year, and the 600 years after that.

I love you with all of my all,

Your Wife

The Gift of Time

How was everyone's Valentine's Day? I hope you all had a blast!

We certainly did! It was such a lovely weekend! We had a couples massage and then ate dinner at my most favorite restaurant ever, Wild Ginger! (Seriously, if you live in the greater Nashville area and can make it out to Franklin, it's the best restaurant I have ever been to. And their sushi is on point! And no, I'm not getting paid for advertising. That would be nice though *cough cough*)

We even got an extended weekend! I don't know where all you lovely readers are, but here in the general area of Nashville, TN, we have just had constant ice! I don't know how all you people up north deal with it! That cold is just awful. But at the same time, it was nice. MTSU cancelled classes and Blake's law firm closed for a couple days so we got to enjoy the days together! We even took Addy out for a second but she was NOT impressed.

Family Fun idea: Playing outside in the ice. Just don't forget your rain boots!

Anyway. I realized something over the weekend.  It seems to us that Valentine's Day has become more about buying gifts for your SO than appreciating the love in the relationship.  Now, don't get me wrong. I love gifts.  I love buying gifts for Blake and I love getting gifts from him. And I can't really speak for him, but based on the frequency I receive gifts from him, he loves giving them too.

But. Here's the thing. Flowers die.  Memories don't. We're the type of couple that would rather give something small and instead invest the money on doing something together.

For example. Our anniversary is a short FOUR MONTHS away! (Happy 8 months of being married, sweetie!) Usually, according to tradition, the first anniversary gift is supposed to be something made of paper. As I just learned, in addition to the traditional paper gift, the more modern take is clocks! How interesting! Thanks, Hallmark! Anyway. We could go out and buy each other gifts made of some nice, snazzy paper or even a huge grandfather clock that could take the office from drab to fab, but what would be the fun in that? Instead, we are planning a nice little getaway to Universal for a few days since we didn't get to go there as we had planned for the honeymoon...

Not that we have to spend every waking (and sleeping) hour together.  First of all, even if we wanted to, it's not possible! It would be mighty hard for us to find jobs that would allow us to be together every minute, plus there's classes!

Another thing we enjoy: Hockey games! Looking forward to those box seats!

Which leads me to an interesting thing.  In my romantic relationships class, we were given a scenario that went a little something like this: "Your friend Juliet loves her new boyfriend.  They are together all the time- she goes to school sporting events with him, hangs out with him every weekend, and even sometimes goes to his classes with him.  But this past Saturday night, when her boyfriend was going to the football game, she decided to stay home and watch a romantic movie and have "girl time". Her boyfriend is concerned that she's starting to drift away from him. What does this illustrate about Juliet?"

All I could think was "I need to take a bubble bath!" Don't we all have those times where we want to be alone, if only for like 10 minutes? While I don't like to be apart from Blake too much when we do get the chance to be together, I also recognize that he needs his time to play one of his video games and I need my time to relax in a bath with a good book.

And despite what most of the people in my romantic relationships class think, there doesn't always have to be an extreme. It's called moderation. Gifts are nice, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I was given tangible items instead of time.

Even if I do have a nice long list of things I want from Tiffany & Co.

The first gift he ever gave me. Not from Tiffany's.

The Evolution of Love: A Critique

I love reading articles about love/relationships/dating. In fact, whenever I see them, I can't not read them.  And poor Blake, I always make him read them too.  Sometimes because I love what the article has to say, sometimes because it reminds me of us, and sometimes because I think the author is SO DUMB I have to rant about idiots. Sometimes they just make me laugh out loud and restore my faith in humanity.  (So basically, no matter what, I will read the article.  And I will make Blake read it too.)

Today, I read one from Elite Daily.  (If you want to read it/skim it/ look at it just to see what I'm talking about, head on over to Elite Daily and check it out.)

Let me start by saying I agree with the main premise- love in a relationship definitely does evolve over time.  I love Blake more and in a different way than I did when we first said it a couple months into our relationship. 

Sidenote and cute story: Technically, I was the first one to say "I love you".  It was raining and we were leaving the library.  He did the very chivalrous act of holding my super-girly umbrella up until it covered all of me and about half a square inch of him. No, I did not mean that I loved him loved him- it was far too early for me to know if I did or not. It was more of a "Oh you are so sweet I love you for being so kind to me."

The real deal came while watching a Disney movie. I'm pretty sure it was Tangled. And yes, he said it first. Actually, his exact words were "I think I'm in love with you" (Swoon.)

Anyway.  At three months, I didn't think of our relationship as "this season's new handbag." In fact, at three months, we were already playing with the idea of getting married.  At three months, he put a diamond ring on my finger. (Note: Just so everyone knows.. If you are given a promise ring by that someone special, etiquette rules say it goes on the left hand.  Not the right hand, as some people insisted. Rant over.)

Also, I have a MAJOR problem with what they say about "I Love you" at month four: "I'm ready to try weird sex stuff with you." Excuse me. Let's get one thing straight right now: LOVE AND SEX ARE NOT THE SAME THING. I have never thought of saying I love you to say "hey, let's get kinky." Is that a thing people do?  I don't even understand that. When did love go from meaning love to meaning sex? If you want to get kinky, say that.  Don't try to push it in under the alias of love. 

I did really love one thing about this article: The description for three years. "In fact, "I love you" doesn't do it justice.  It's too much about yourself and what this other person does for you.  A better expression would be, "You, I love" because that's what you really mean."  

I also had one more thought about this article.  Love develops at varying speeds for everyone.  For B and me, it developed at apparently a pretty rapid pace (according to society's standards.) We haven't made it to three years yet, but we've already passed the milestones of marriage and moving in together. Heck, my parents got engaged after two weeks and they're still going strong, six kids later! But I also know for some, they need love to develop at a slow and steady pace.  Maybe at three years marriage is still a scary thought. 

I just think the important part is that the love does evolve, no matter the speed. 

So, How's Married Life?

Ever since June, there are two main questions I get asked when talking to people: "When are you going to have kids?" and "How's married life?"

Well, the answer to the first one is easy: Whenever we decide to. (In a non-snarky way, in case you're actually wondering, give us like 6-7 years.  We want to be established and financially stable (not to mention both out of school) before we bring a wee tot into the world.)

The answer to the second question, though, is not so easy.  It's hard to answer because there's no word for it.  I could every synonym for "amazing" or "awesome" or "perfect" and it still wouldn't be enough to describe the absolute joy my marriage brings to my life.  I guess, if Mary Poppins were to help me, she would say:

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Because there just isn't a word to more accurately describe it. 

Sure, there are the hard parts of marriage.  There are the days we think we may have to go into debt to keep living.  The times we have fights. The times I'm just grumpy and I don't know why so I keep just getting grumpy about being grumpy.  Long days at work and class when it feels like bedtime is years away.  Times when we are so busy we don't get to see each other as much as we would like. 

But there also the times Blake surprises me by getting home from class early and bringing me tulips.  The times when he scrapes my windshield for me.  Those times when I'm grumpy about being grumpy so he just holds me and rubs my back and feeds me chocolate and lets me cry. The times my knight in shining boxers saves me from fire-breathing dragon bugs. Or any bugs.  Or a piece of fuzz in the shower that looks like a bug. 

Dat Nose Squish!

Marriage is nose-squishing kisses.  Early morning hugs when I'm half asleep and he has to leave for work.  Cuddling on the couch, holding Addy against her will, and watching Netflix all day on Saturdays. Marriage is coming home at night to someone who loves you more than they love themselves.  Always having your best friend right beside you.  Waking up in the middle of the night because that best friend is snoring.  Seeing how cute he is when he sleeps so instead of waking him up, you just pop in earplugs and snuggle up against him. 

Conversations in weird accents.  Accidentally setting a few napkins on fire while making dinner.. Late nights talking about nothing and everything.  Stealing his lemonade when I run out. Kissing booboos. Hickies on the middle of your nose because your husband is a goofball and does crazy things to make you laugh. (True Story.  You can call me Rudolph.) Sticking your arms or legs in the air to signify that it is the other person's job to help you change into your pjs.  Learning to let each other have fun with things that you don't understand like video games.  Turning grocery shopping into a date.  Sharing everything.  The fact that I am wearing his pants and his shirt because guy clothes are much more comfortable (and they smell like him.  Bonus!)  

Told you it was a true story.  Imagine going to work with this puppy!

I think we all have a purpose in life.  (Except wasps and mosquitoes, I can't figure out what purposes they serve.)  And I honestly believe my whole life was meant to find this man who keeps me laughing 24/7.  The man who knows the way to my heart is kitties and back rubs.  The only one who can deal with (and even love!) my quirks. The man who brought me out of my shell.


It's like in my Romantic Relationships class (sidenote: I LOVE my classes this semester!) when we talked about the definition of love.  One of the answers was brilliant: "love is just the highest form of bliss that is humanly possible to achieve.  Without love, sheer bliss is unattainable." And the answer the whole class could agree on was that true love is something that cannot be described, it has to be lived to be truly understood. 

Why It's Hard to Teach an Old Dog New Tricks: What We've Learned So Far!

Well, B and I are past the half-year mark! On Wednesday we'll reach seven months! It's crazy how time flies- looking back it feels like it was yesterday when we got married but at the same time it feels like it's been forever since we got to spend a carefree week together on our honeymoon.

In the past six/seven months, we've both definitely grown and we had to learn some hard lessons.  I'm so glad we got married when we did though- learning these lessons and growing together makes our relationship mean so much more to us than if we had waited until we were both out of school and had careers to start our little family.

Our family, taken 1-10-15. Note the baby sleeping right between us.
Parenthood is fun. Especially when the child is covered in fur!

The hardest one (that I think we're still being taught) is patience.  Before we got married, we went apartment hunting and wanted to go ahead and get everything established so we could move in as soon as we got back from our honeymoon. Blake wanted/needed to get away from the job he was working and I was trying to figure out how to get a car. Well. We ended up not getting a few job opportunities.  We both were getting frustrated, as we were living at his dad's house and were ready to get our own place and really start our life together.  There was interview after interview, but no job.  I didn't get it. But then, it's like everything just clicked.  We learned that there's a reason he didn't get those other jobs- the job he has now is such a perfect fit for both of us.  He's making such great connections with the attorneys and he's really getting a chance to show them what an asset he is to the firm.  As much as we thought we loved some of the places we looked at in Smyrna, we found the perfect place for us. The second we walked in it already felt like home.  A blessed path for me to get a car was opened up, and now everything is just floating along.

We had to learn that what God's plan for us is not necessarily what we think we want the plan to be or what it should be.  We can't dictate timing.  We have to wait for his timetable.  It's been such a humbling experience.

Personally, I've learned to be secure in our relationship.  I mentioned in an earlier post how for a long time I was very insecure in our relationship.  I would have minor anxiety attacks whenever I was alone- "Is he complaining about me to his friends? Does he think I'm just awful? Is he not with me right now because he's tired of me?" But now I know exactly how he feels about me.  I know how he shows love.  I don't have to have some grand gesture worthy of a Disney movie to know how he feels about me. I've learned it's about the little things- him surprising me with Subway after I mention that I'm craving it, or getting a back massage after a long day cleaning.  And when he's at work or class and I'm home alone, I'm not scared. (Well, ok, I do have recurring nightmares/daydreams of people breaking in or a murderer coming and killing me or the cat getting out... But I don't fear for our relationship.)

We've also learned the value of friends and family.  Starting out as both students, we didn't really have a lot.  But our family and friends have all really come through to help us in whatever ways they could.  Whether it be just standing beside us at the wedding or giving us a sofa or coffee table, we've been blessed beyond measure. Even when we first got engaged and there were some who decided not to be our friends or support us, both of our families have really stuck by us. (BTW, funny story.  There were rumors that I was pregnant and that's why B proposed.. Well. Over a year later and I'm still waiting on that baby!)

But seriously.  We would not be where we are without the support of our families!

Side note: This has absolutely nothing to do with anything I have said, but it's such a cute story I just couldn't resist telling.  Last night after showering, Blake was in the bathroom shaving and Addy ad I were hanging out in the bedroom.  When Blake came back out he was playing with Addy doing his little tickle thing that she absolutely loves to her.  I mentioned how we had been hanging out having girl time and he called it "mother/daughter time" and it just melted my heart.  It's so cute to see how Blake's relationship with Addy has grown.  When we first got her, he agreed more because of me than his own wanting.  He thought she was cute and all, but cats have never been his obsession like they are mine. (Which is why we have the whole deal that since I got a cat we will get whatever kind of dog he wants.  Right now, we're thinking it will be an Old English Sheepdog.  And we will name him/her Ambrosius after the dog in Labyrinth, which he so kindly forced me to watch one night even though it gave me nightmares of Bowie in tight leather and goblins...)  But anyway.  After we had had Addy for a couple nights, I asked him if he loved her and he replied with "I guess".  But Since then, he has proved that he really truly loves her.  It's so cute. He's even starting to change his opinion on cats.

Is this not totes presh?! This is him cuddling Addy right after she got a bath :)
So sweet and tender! *Le Swoon*

It makes me all excited to start having kids :)

Anyway.

Seeing how much we have grown and learned together in just the almost seven months we've been married makes me so excited to see how much we will learn in the rest of our forever together!

What's the most important thing you've learned from a relationship? I would really love to hear!!

New Year, New Blog Post!

Hello all! I hope everybody had a wonderful holiday season! I know, it's been forever since I've posted.  It's been such a busy month! So I'm going to let you in on the exciting things that have happened in the past.. Month? Or so!

Well, I got a car! It got super bad for a while because B has to leave for work at 6:30 and my place of employment didn't open until 8.. So yeah. Yay for no longer having to wait outside in the cold or catch rides from everybody! My wonderful mother-in-law helped me pick out this completely perfect Honda Accord Hybrid! I never thought I would fall in love with a car, but I have freedom. Like, I've gotten to go grocery shopping without having to wait for Blake to be home! It's so nice. I think I'm super officially a grown-up now.

(If I had a cute picture (or any picture at all) of me sitting on the hood of my car, I would put it here.  But it's super cold outside so unless I have to go outside, I'm staying in! So just use your imagination to think of me with a nice gray Honda Accord.)

Also, Christmas was a blast! Almost my entire family made it out to my parents' house, so there were little ones running around EVERYWHERE! So of course, everyone got sick.  Then we came back out to the good ole' middle of the state for Christmas with his family!  B and I have both been sick since a couple days after Christmas, but we're finally over the hill and hopefully will both be 100% soon!

Then, there was New Year's! Because B and I are such party animals, we went all out.  When he got home from work, we put on our pjs and fell asleep on the couch watching Netflix.  So then we woke up and did shots.. of Nyquil. and passed out by 10!

Clearly a crazy NYE party.

It was GREAT.  Like I'm being serious.  we were both pretty sick so it was nice to not have to go out in the cold to watch anything drop.

BUT. We have done one stereotypical New Year thing! We made a list of family goals for 2015! I don't like resolutions.  Resolutions are made at the beginning of January and forgotten by February.  But goals are things you work on until you've accomplished them.  So these are our goals!

1. (This one has been edited out to protect the innocent)

2. Spend at least one hour of distraction-free time together each day

3. Pray together each night

4. Stick to our budget! (Basically, eat out less.)

5. Find other married couples and establish a married-people friend group

6. Take a walk together every day to get some exercise in!

I also have one personal goal: get back to blogging regularly! We'll see how that goes! 

So far, we've been doing pretty well with half of them.  But that's the beauty of goals! Even though it may take a few tries to really get into the habits we want to develop, we won't just stop because we get discouraged! 

I know we're both excited to see how 2015 goes! I hope it's a great year for all of yall too! 

XOXO, Sparklin' Kitty

(I know, I'm not gossip Girl. Whatevs ;P)