Live Like You're Dying (Or You Think Your Spouse is)

Wednesday night, I convinced myself that Blake was going to be killed at some point the next day.  So, at 10:30, while B was trying to get some sleep in before his 3:00 shift, I had a break down.  Crying, hyperventilating, the whole thing.

Well, he didn't die.

But on Wednesday I realized that I never wanted to be in that situation.  I never want to be without him.  So in my little freak out, I cuddled up super close to him and just stroked his face, hoping to engrave how he felt into my memory so I could have him forever.

It's like I came straight out of a Nicholas Sparks or John Green novel or something.

And today I realized that sometimes I take having him for granted.  I get hangry and short with him.  I get annoyed if I feel like he's not giving me enough attention. I get snippy if he doesn't help with making dinner or cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry.

But none of that matters.

What matters is that life is short, and there's no point in wasting it being upset that he accidentally stuck my bra in the dryer or wanted to relax and read instead of constantly gazing adoringly into my eyes.  Instead I should be enjoying those times we just cuddle and read together.  I should cherish getting to see him when we get off work everyday.

Ignore our goofy faces.. Ahem. 

I think in relationships we get to a point where we start to take the other person for granted.  And not just romantic relationships- in family relationships, friendships, in relationships at work.

I've recently realized that I took my parents for granted a lot, especially when I was in high school.  They did my laundry, paid for gasoline for the car, bought my food, gave me money when I wanted or needed something, and were always there for me, even when I went through my little bout of senioritis.  When I moved out and realized I no longer had my daddy to kill bugs for me or my mom to run out and get me groceries, I realized exactly how much they do for me.

I've decided that I'm going to start focusing on being thankful for every moment I have with Blake.  Whether we are actively doing something like playing games together or just sitting together reading, every moment counts.  When I go home, I'm going to actively be with my family.  When my friends need to talk or have a problem, I'll listen.  Because maybe I won't ever be able to see them again.  And I want to take in every moment of happiness I have with them.

Because as I reminded myself Wednesday night, you never know when you might lose someone.